This is so darn funny, thanks FB for sending this through.

Check it out

Various rantings….

Crimewatch live on the TV in the studio, why have they started showing Crimewatch in the day, it’s scary enough at night-

Having said that - the reconstructions- with the way they dramatise it… act it out, put scary music to it, they could make the pilfering of a grape look scary. Seriously.

I think they save the really juicy stuff for the night time edition, they have “crime-lite”  on during the day, the one I saw was a man raiding what I think was a cold store, making off with a side of meat.  In the big leagues then. Next week he might progress to pastry. Or not, becvause we got a good look at his mugshot. The people on rogues gallery are never attractive- ever are they. Can you name one that you could look at and go “Do you know, I would…..”

Still, it is Crimewatch, not Baywatch.

One of the scenes I saw on the TV in the studio, with the sound turned down was of two policewomen searching a room, beds and mattresses, the whole lot, and at a quick glance, it looked like they were changing the bed. I thought, what a great service, really, do you get a little mint on the pillow as well. Made me feel good to pay my taxes.

I can imagine the guy searched “Well, I lost my stash, but what a lovely clean room….”

More foolishness soon.

Busy busy busy

Busyholism, does anyone else suffer from that?

Much as I like many aspects of modern life, it really came home to me the other day, when I realised how busy I (as well as everyone else) really was , I gave mysel an afternoon off to do nothing, and deliberately not think about anything work related, or anything I was trying to solve or work out.. or anything at all.

And it seemed like … well an alien experience. Having an afternoon off seemed alien, as if I”should” be doing something else.

I would wager that there’s people who would feel full blown guilt for taking a few hours off.

Man, that’s crazy making when you think about it. Work life balance! Ha! Yeah right.

So then I made a list of everything I had to do today, and realised that ten people could not do that in a day, and if they could, they could not do it well. So time to rethink my strategy for time management I think.

Surely there’s a middle ground here? Your thoughts??

Had a lovely meal with my cool daughter- we are on a tour of SW London trying restaurants that we have not tried before, and we were by the river in Kingston yesterday. We had a lovely Spanish meal.

I said “That was nice sweetheart, lets see each other during the week” She said “Umm, would like to , I am too busy”

See above point!

Good luck with the sound engineering this week darling by the way.

Nice to see you Karen who came in to see us on the show, talking about Silly Song Friday, she bought in a 1981 annual from Keith Mitchell- the “Captain Beaky” annual, seriously! It was voiced by a very young looking Peter Sellers and Harry Secombe if I remember (seriously, was that guy ever young, all I remember was an old guy singing on Songs of Praise).

Also in the annual was Noel Edmonds and Penelope Keith  who never seem to change.

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She will mail me some more piccies from Wildlife Aid, which I will upload as and when.

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Ok gotta go, must get busy!!

HI

So, why did I need  a frog?

" Franz", the Pac Man Frog

My colleague ar Radio Jackie, and friend Lucy Mayer, had, I stress, HAD a frog phobia.

Using my  new found NLP skills, I cured her. In half an hour. Seriously!

Neils long time fantasy of playing "One potato, two potato" with Lucy finally came true (she believed the old NLP line!!!)

For goodness sake bugger off and leave me to bask on my wood shavings!

So we asked for your votes for the silliest song…

Played some on the show today.

Rolf Harris- Sun Arise

Chris Rea- Driving home for Christmas

Village People- In the navy

Mr Custer- Charlie Drake

Funky Moped- Jasper carrot

The Goons- Ying Tong

Wurzels- Combine Harvester

Barron Knights- anything

The E-Bay song- Weird Al

Star Trekkin’- The Firm

The Birdie Song

The Smurf Song

Keith Harris and Orville

O Superman

Barry Manilow- Bermuda triangle (don’t diss Barry!)

Teletubbies

Agadoo

Benny Hill- Ernie

Cindarella Rockerfella

In the navy

I’m a pink toothbrish

Court of King Caractucus

Draculas Daughter

Funky Moped

My boomerang wont come back

Paddy McGintys goat

Shuddapya face

FOOTBALLS COMING HOME

The Hotmix, by Neil Long and Sam Tullett

Collapsed Lung- Eat my goal

Chumbawumba- Top of the world

Farm- Altogether Now

Dizzie/Cordon- Shout for England

Lightning Seeds- 3 lions

Fat Les – Vindaloo

..And the queen in the mix as well. Seriously.

As I write this, the match has just started. And in that spirit, here is the new and improved footie hotmix, with some rather clever cuts in if I may say so myself….

Feel free to use (privately), please link back here if you pass it on.

N

Welcoming to the UK Nigel from Australian Animal Rescue, well in fact he is almost leaving on a jet plane(cue song) tonight.

But, Nigel rang me before he leaves our shores, and asked me the answer to the question I posed at Wildlife Aid on Saturday.

40 % of Women have more of these than they know what to do with.

Post your answers below, first correct one wins radio show merchandise, sent anywhere in the world.

Hit “comments” or “no comments” to post your answer.

Nigel, all the very best to you, we look forward to welcoming you back to our shores soon.

Neil

Had a chat with my most excellent colleague Kristiaan Yeo today at work, all about grabbing press attention.

He talked, I listened, and I made notes, and here’s what was said.

My questions are in ordinary font, his answers are in bold, this is not a word for word transcript, but the gist is there.

How does one grab the attention of someone in media, and have a good chance of promotion- I have seen you “bust” people who just want a free plug for a commercial venture- how does one respect the journo and still get what they want?

Journalists see LOTS of facts and figures, so it needs to be something attention grabbing, not everyday. Think about it, what would get your attention more- “50% of people have phobias”, or “50% of people are scared of kittens”, now that’s got much more chance of getting noticed.

You need to get really clear on WHAT you are offering and to who. In the sector (niche) you are in, who are you aiming at? What are their desires/problems? It’s a case really of market research, and once you know your audience more, you can create something that really speaks to them. And get the data right, from a survey or however you do it, and make it interesting data.  As I said, journos see a LOT of data, so more than just everyday stuff needs to be presented to them.

That makes sense really, in a trade publication you can really niche down and be specific can’t you. I guess its the old system, find a problem and solve it, and you will not really have to do much selling. If you are trying to sell a bald man a hairbrush, I guess it does not matter how good your press release is!

Kris by the way, has a skill for writing copy that will be read by journos, and has a main database (a way of sending to all the nationals), and smaller databases that are more niche specific, and can be hired privately to put something together for you. You would not need to write anything or source where to send it- all done for you. And since you are my subscriber, I can get a good deal for you.

I am also aware of software that creates a podcast,  and a press release, video and articles all in one as well, if that would be of interest to you.

CLICK HERE for more details.

Why do I need a frog? Really, I need a frog.

I have a legitimate reason, I went to Pets at Home yesterday and asked a neighbour if she had a pond. Seriously.

The one disclaimer is I have no intention of harming it in any way.

So… your guesses so far…

Pets control, to catch slugs, snails, flies..

Cat toy

Licking (to get high apparantly) (yeah right

Warts and all cure

Allergies

Toad in the hole.

Make a remake of the Paul McCartney song- frog chorus.

None of which  are vaguely even close.

So, put the answer here of what it really is…. and you win.

Hit “comments” to post

I’m going to kill you slowly and painfully.

The words of my daughter today, when I rang her on air on Radio Jackie to wish

her a happy birthday.

Hmm, well,  on teenage time 9AM  is the middle of the night.

Heh heh heh.

Happy birthday sweetheart.

And by the way, you’re grounded for 20 years!!!